Potatoe Boys in 3 New Cities

Wow, what a heartfelt couple of days. Since our last entry, we’ve played Kearney, Denver, and Provo. Please allow me to explain all of this.

Kearney, Nebraska: Our MO for this show was Fright. The audience sneered as we peeled on our suits, but they left the building gagging. Several young women in the crowd could not catch their breaths – “Their songs are two fast!” I saw one mouth to another. Another man was panting on the side of the stage, unsure of why his mouth was dry, or possibly wondering why Yes-Yes was so terroriffic. There was a golden retriever in the audience, bobbing his head slowly, slowly, slowly, happy as hell. After we played, I decided to hide in the desolate townscape of Kearney. I found a mini-park with four benches and a plant; it was hidden in shadows near an active train track. I waited for the others to find me, after which I would run away to a new location. Lost inside my mind, I thought this would instigate a thrilling game of hide-and-go-seek. Instead, my disappearance induced a widespread panic amongst my peers. Whilst they searched for my body, I waited to hear them approaching so I could duly hide elsewhere. I stared at the moon and stars, and 45 minutes passed. Eventually, I was found by Yes-Yes (who was flustered but relieved) and Piss, who instructed me to climb on top of a building and convince everyone I was there all along. The plan confused the intelligence out of me, but I obliged. Tim, our merch junkie fanboy, was to teach me how to climb. He showed me two spots, but both were difficult. One even scraped his poor wrist. I almost fainted at the sight of his mildly split flesh. The climb could not and would not work due to my innate fear of risk, so I instead instructed Tim to grip my neck like a prisoner and drag me back to the van, where my peers awaited my return. To my surprise, they were not amused. Apparently, the last thing I’d said before I hid was, “I’m going to kill myself.” I didn’t mean it, but I learned my lesson not to play games with that issue and not to play games without first telling those with whom I’d like to play games that I’d like to play a game. We had day-old loaves of bread from Jimmy John’s and water for dinner before blasting to Denver.

Denver, Colorado: There is little to say about Denver aside from it being our most psychotic show to date. We realized that our shows have and will continue to increase in psychosis exponentially as our tour proceeds. Yes-Yes was dive-tackled by Piss, I threw up water, and Ages dog-piled Yes-Yes during “Inchworm.” There were three people in the audience outside of Ages, and they were freaked. One of them drooled and fell asleep halfway through our set. The local band, a popcore get-up called The Coast is Ours, left while we played after being disappointed that the audience wasn’t moshing during their set. The singer even hoe-downed in front of Kid Gone Crazy during their set to excite him; KGC was almost furious, but a deep breath kept his anger at bay. The singer also said, “Really?” after a song because no one had moved. That night I zoomed through the Rockies at 85 mph, taking my friends and I to the Mormon mecca of Provo, Utah.

Provo, Utah: This was such a spiritual and refreshing experience that describing it on the internet would be heresy. Lots of mysticism, mountains, and spirit. We hiked to a secret place in the mountains where there was a natural water slide made out of rocks. Known as more of an intellectual, professorial type, I was too afraid to touch the water and instead enjoyed watching my friends take chances with their lives in the name of fun. We hiked back and I felt the courage to take off my shirt and expose my body to the sun. I am now happily ruby red all over. Furthermore, we played at a bike collective full of old and new bikes in various stages of dismemberment. Yes-Yes bled his knees and our suits were smeared in oil. That night, we treated ourselves to a soak in a hot spring. It was spooky. Symptom, the guitarist of Ages, smeared himself with the clay-like sand at the bottom of the spring. He claimed sulphur was good for one’s skin. We were encouraged by fellow spring bathers to remove our clothing, but only our dear friend Adam, who played in Timber!, the Mighty Sequoyah, and currently Bat Manors, had the courage to unveil his genitalia to the public. The next morning, we briefly visited Adam’s yard sale and bought two sweatshirts and three DVD’s: The Taqwacores, The Natural, and another classic baseball movie. Adam also gifted Piss and I a painting of a Gran female giving birth to an infant Gran (Grans are the Star Wars aliens with three eyes). Adam recently had an art gallery consisting of paintings that featured Star Wars aliens participating in human activities, all of which were purchased except the Gran, clearly too gory for the average Provite. Saying goodbye to Adam and his friends was hard and sad, but he will be in Cleveland in July so we are not sad.

 
Any questions? Ask us on Facebook or tweet me, Whiz, at @tiboonda. Boise, Idaho is next, and I have recently discovered after extensive research that Idaho is not Iowa.