Whoa, holy wow, I can’t believe we’ve been on tour for two
more days since the last blog. Our skins have calloused and browned with the passage
of road time, which moves half as slowly as normal time. Last night, Kid Gone
Crazy (on drums) promised us that we could go to a motel if our show made over
$200. He then lowered it to $150. He is not our leader – Yes-Yes is – but he is
very stubborn, and thus powerful. Fortunately, we made an even $200, and we had
a comfortable sleep in a motel room an hour outside of Minneapolis. They caught
us with 8 people in the morning and we were required to pay a fine. During my
pre-shower organization, I noted a squirming tick on my shin.
Our show in Milwaukee disallowed Ages’ performance due to
stylistic differences, but strenuously accepted Cruelster’s performance under
the fair conditions that we played last and we played shortly. Our friend and
confidant Zach gave us $40 for our performance, and we very much appreciate
every single thing he’d done for us. We had fun in his city and on his porch.
We went to a pizza restaurant under Zach’s porch, wherein our merch fanboy
junkie Tim practiced light sexism toward the waiter, to the dismay of the rest
of the group.
On our way to Milwaukee, we talked straight-up dreams. Connor
Symptom of Ages knows a lot about this. He is like Sigmund Freud in high
school. He told us about the Old Hag – who sits on your chest when you “wake up”
(you are still actually sleeping), the green lumberjack who grins and prompts
you to charge him, and, most notoriously, the Shadow People. “I’ve never had a
Shadow People dream,” Symptom proclaimed. To his credit, Symptom is a master of
lucid dreaming and sleep paralysis. (We all expected and almost hoped for one
of these aforementioned dreams that night, but we each had an ironically dreamless
sleep.)
Cruelster shared a packet of beers with the singer of Ages,
only enough to get slightly drunk for a very short amount of time. It was slightly
wrong, but we were slightly unwelcome. Tim and Symptom went on a Long Walk to
find Marquette University – they are both seniors in high school and they are
looking to go to college anywhere. They didn’t find it. There were tall weeds
in the house’s backyard, and various grindcore fans would periodically venture
toward the tallest of these weeds in order to whiz and piss. Meanwhile, Whiz
and Piss conquered Yes-Yes onstage in Minneapolis. The next paragraph will
detail this occurrence.
The show was a Title Fight-themed dark pop-punk postcore
straight edge doomcore show, so Cruelster inchly fit. Knowing this, we
proceeded to scare and taunt the audience. However, I don’t think it was until
we played our last song, “Inchworm,” that the audience understood what we were.
Minneapolis is honestly a cool city to which we have never been, but, well. If
you ever meet me in person or in another biological or technological format, I
will give you the details.
We are on our way to Kearney, Nebraska, home of Jesse Pierson. We must take the back roads because the main highway is closed.
“I almost want to say they sound like No Doubt with
Title Fight parts.”
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